It is not surprising that executive leaders reported “feeling lonely” as their number one challenge in a questionnaire we ran with top-level executives at the end of 2022. A study by Lieberman from 2003 demonstrated that feeling lonely has a similar response in the brain as someone experiencing physical pain. There are more consequences to that feeling… loneliness impacts your whole being and might have consequences such as cognitive decline, strained relationships with friends and family, health issues, and sometimes addiction.

If you are in this situation, this represents a few challenges for you: there are many expectations for you to perform … and the more you need to perform, the lonelier you may feel. The more lonely you feel, the more difficult it will be to perform. This is the downward vicious loop you might find yourself in. And there is a way out!

One way to identify where you are is to take an assessment with the UCLA Loneliness Test: https://artemciy.gitlab.io/loneliness-scale/#/. This simple test may help you identify and reflect on how lonely you really feel in your current situation. Your result will help you evaluate if you should seek support.

Working with an Executive Coach may be another way to address the feeling of loneliness. There are many assumptions about what an Executive Coach does or does not do with a client. Some people think an Executive Coach is a consultant or mentor who “tells” their client how to improve their performance. They see coaches in the business world as they see coaches in the sports world. In reality, it’s quite the opposite. A coach will define goals with their clients upfront. Whatever the goals are, the coach will support their client. In my experience, these goals are often a mixture of business goals (behaviors hindering performance) and personal goals (relationships, health…).

 

And there is much more that coaching can offer to help you with the feeling of loneliness:

• Understand your feelings (self-awareness)

• Reconnect with your purpose and values

• Explore different perspectives on a topic

• Brainstorm with you

• Define intent and drive accountability to support behavior changes

• Review existing relationships to prioritize quality over quantity

Here is a real story about how a coaching session with an executive went and how it was able to help. We decided to go for a walk in the countryside to provide us with fresh air and new perspectives. The topic was: “I feel like I don’t have any time to think… and when I do… I cannot share my ideas with people around me.” There was a strong feeling for that executive to find a way to step back, reflect, and share. The feeling of being constantly solicited was paradoxically increasing the feeling of loneliness. We walked and talked… and some themes emerged: speed vs. impact, urgent vs. important, now vs. tomorrow, work vs. family… At the end of the session, my client gained clarity on his next big strategic move: taking full ownership of leading a new technology in his field. This led to a significant shift for his organization with a nice balance between growth and sustainability. Honestly, these moments are magic to witness in my coaching profession… and they are simple: a deep and powerful conversation with no judgment and full presence.

Some actions you can take to explore this topic:

• Take the UCLA Loneliness Scale Test: https://artemciy.gitlab.io/loneliness-scale/#/

• Go through your Wheel of Life: https://forms.gle/vy1234y2b3mVJeKg6

• Ask people around you how they see you right now (informal 360)

• Find a coach to support you and develop your own supporting resources through coaching